Distance covered by primulas..

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Flying butterflies fall on the dahlias,
I swing slowly, lazily sitting
On the big, beautiful swing, with
“Anne Frank’s Diary”, closed in my hand.
Looking lovingly at the soft creatures, my eyes
Searching for the most beautiful one.
Why?
Why do my eyes, rest always
On the ones—most beautiful?
My self itself does not know this.

In the garden play few children
All little maidens, and again
These big eyes of mine seek
For the sweetest one,
Why?
Why do my eyes, rest always
On the ones—most beautiful?
My soul itself does not know this.

On the meadow, sit three rabbits
And suddenly, hops down…but,
Before they enter the long green grasses
My discerning eyes catch
The cutest one—the fairest one.
Why?
Why do my yes, rest always
On the ones—most beautiful?
I, myself do not know this.

I jump down the stairs, and here I am
On the verandah!
Suddenly, the most graceful rose
On the flower tub shades its
Pretty pink petals, when got touched
By my unconscious fingers,
And I find many others beautiful,
Charming in their own ways.
Ones found uglier, less beautiful
Have turned beautifully beautiful
For my broad eyes today.
But why?
Yes, my heart itself knows that—
Why, am I still not me,
Deep inside?

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I have been thinking a lot about birds for a while now… did not realise it but i am fascinated by them… if you come into my home, you will find them everywhere…. wooden birds, metal birds, wax birds, mirror work birds, birds that are toys, bird sharpeners, bird pencils, birds in my paintings, birds in my bathroom, even birds on a duppatta!! – a lot of birds that don’t jump out from the rest of my little things but who are always there and in some way must symbolise something to me.
I tried to think about why i’m taken in by them and here are some possible answers….

– The mystery – i love enigma and in some ways they represent that. I’m unable to fully grasp what their life could be like or how they think and what they do.
– The fact that i can’t simply reach out and touch them, fascinates me. I guess that’s linked to the first point.
– Their colours – i’m mesmerized by the textures. I’ve observed Crow Crow for long stretches of time and not a single one his black feathers is the same shade of black. Pigeon necks – magical in so many ways. And these are the more regular birds.
– Their movements – i’ve seen two eagles soar from great heights and gently spiral down and i’ve been thrilled to see that dance from my window – there’s a grace there that is unique. I especially love how sparrows hop.
– The fact that the sky is their home. Not sure i can articulate this clearly but they’re so above everything else. It’s a mind thing. They live in a place that’s uncluttered in thought and through that have the ability to rise above all that i’m caught up in.
– Their lightness. Thing more than actual weight, its the feeling i get when i see birds in flight. This sense of airiness… not really freedom… but the sense that my feelings alone can make me fly.

Not sure i quite have understood what this means and really there is no reason to think so much either. I like birds and i’ll continue to collect them and bring them into the different corners of my life.

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I am getting comfortable.
I am getting comfortable in those arms a little too much. For the first time, I am not afraid. I am not afraid of myself, I am not afraid of people around me, and I am not afraid of the future. Come what may. I do not care…and why should I? I have felt the touch, that caring tender touch, which is capable of healing me. I will give up anything for it. I know it is worth all.
I am glad you are sincere. For the first time, I have known that you care. I have felt it. *smiles* I am glad that I can hear it in your words and see it in your eyes. I am glad it is you. I will never have any regrets. I am glad it is you that I have shared myself with. I will not trade you for anyone. I will not trade this for anything.
I tremble as I write this. I tremble the same way I tremble whenever I am in your arms, for I love you and a part of me will always love you.
You are beautiful and handsome. These past few days have reminded me of why I fell in love with you in the first place. These days, you are reminding me of the man who decipts wonderful manners and a strong character. The man who is full of life…who is generous at heart and who doesn’t give up even when life shows less hope. True, some mistakes have been made. Some harsh words were said, but still I believe there was nothing that is not amendable. You are the man whose smile makes my heart skip a beat. The man I have loved, the man I am proud to love.
Do not worry, my darling. I do not ask anything in return. I do not wish to cause you any harm or distress, for I am just living a dream. I am living this wonderful dream, which, I know has to come to an end sooner or later. I hope we both cherish the memories if and when it is over.

ke mein tum se pyar karti hun. Tumhare dil ka koi hissa tumhein tasalli dai raha hai ke shayeed yeh jo kashish hai humare darmian woh meri muhabbat ka shaksana hai. Tumhein apne aap pe barra rashk aata hai yeh soch ke ke mera dil tumhare ikhtiar mein hai. Meine dheeme dabay lehjey mein kitni barr kaha ke mujhe tum se mohabbat nahin. Tum abhi kamsin ho. pyar, ishq aur mohabbat ke fark ko nahin jaante. Pyar to mujhe hawa, badal aur barish se bhi ho jaata hai. Mohabbat ke layak paiker koi mila hi nahin, aur ishq , ishq to aasman pe baithey kisi mehrbaan se karti hun, jo mere dard aur bardasht ko azmaata rehta hai, mager kabhi bhi takleef jaanlewa nahin hoti. Mein kaise samjhaun tumhein ke mein tumhein pasand karti hun mager yeh pyar vyar nahin hai. Yeh jo tumhari sohbat acchi lagti hai aur hum pehron baton mein gum rehte hein tum issey lamhon ki rafaqat ke siwa kuch na samajhna. Mera dil sada ka banjar hai, tumhare kurb ki boondain pal do pal ke liye iski mitti ko nam kar daiti hain. Yeh nammi tumhare saath mein qayam rehti hai to mujhe ehsas hota hai ke shayad dil ki udasi aur veerani kam ho gaye. Lekin jab tum chale jaate ho to wohi meri zaat hai aur wohi sada ki gudazi. Itni boondain tumharey paiker mein kahan ke mujhe sairaab kar sako.

Yehi kaho ge na ke ager baat sirf dosti aur mehfil ki hai, to kitne aansoo, kitni yadain mere saath banti hein tum ne. Ager yeh muhabbat nahin to aur kia hai? Ab kaise kahun ke hum thehrey shair aur deewaane. Humare dil ki daastaan konsi seegha e raaz mein rehti hai. Kabhi shairee mein dil ki bharas nikal jaati hai to kabhi afsanon mein. Baat itni si hai ke baat hoti rahe. Yeh koi anokha majra nahin ke hum kisi se dil ki baat kahein ya sunain. Humein to eik umer ho gaye hai iss shiddatt se jeetey huve. Yeh jazbey mere dharkan ke mutradif hein aur inka izhaar saans laine ki tarha laazim o malzoom hai. Ab bhala koi dharkan ko sanson se kaise judaa kare. Rahe yeh aansoo, to kia kahun, yeh paimana itna labraiz hai ke eik boondh bhi kaafi hoti hai isse chalkaane ke liye. Hum itne nadaan hain ke hanstey hanstey ro parte hein. Iss liye nahin ke koi khas gham hai, bas yunhi azad rooh hain, jab jee chaha hans parre, jab dil kiya ro diye.

Rahi baat pyar ki, to agar tum se pyar hota bhi to tumhari anaparasti ke aiwaz hum bhi keh daitey ke hum tum se pyar nahin karte. Kuch anaparaston ke saath anaparast hona parhta hai. Ab yeh baat tumhare sochne ki hai ke hum waqai tum se pyar nahin karte ya sirf khuddari mein tumhein mana kar rahe hain. Eik umer lage gi tumhein yeh uljhan suljhaney mein, mager tum iss saza ke baad dubara kisi ke jazbon ki toheen nahin kar pao gay. Besakhta khayal aaya ke ager tumhein apni ghalti ka ehsaas ho gaya to yeh saza shayad jurm ki monasbat se bohot sangeen hai. Phir socha ke nahin, saza to ghairon ko dee jaati hai, mein sirf apne eik bohot azeez dost ko samjha rahi hun ke rishton natoun ki kader kiya karey. Jab dil koi baat mehsoos karey to uskey izhaar mein kanjoosi nahin baratni chahiye. Jab koi tumhari kader karey to usko palkon par bithao. Yeh na ho ke tumharey hathon kisi ka dil tootey aur tum uss zakhm ki marham na de sako. Pyar to kisi ko bhi kisi se ho sakta hai, aur iss naimat ke dotarfa hone ki koi shart nahin. Phir agar hum mein se koi eik bhi doosre se pyar karta hai to phir ana kaisi aur yeh gharoor kis baat ka? Kuch nahin to hum iss inam ke aiwez izzat dai sakte hein us dil ko jis ne humein muhabbat ke laik samjha.

Agar sun pao to suno. Yeh sach hai ke Mein tum se pyar karti hun. Humare darmian ki kashish meri muhabbat ka shaksana hai. Mera dil tumhare ikhtiar mein hai, tum chahe mano ya na mano. Tumharey saath pehron guftago karna ab meri zindagi ka hasil hai. Yeh tamamm ghubaar jo meray dil ne nikala hai woh sirf uss ghusse ka izhaar hai jo mein tumhari bedardi ki wajah se karna chahti hun. Jao yeh sun ke khush ho lo keh har baazi ki tarah yeh baazi bhi tum ne mujh se jeet li. Iss liye nahin keh tum kisi tarha mujh se behter ho balke sirf iss liye ke mein apne dil ke hathon majboor hun. Jao aur iss baat pe umer bhar naz kartey raho keh tum ne meray dil ko thukraya aur mein ne koi ehtejaaj tak na kiya. Meri mohabbat ki takmeel agar tumse harne mein hai to mein haar maan leti hun. Abhi issi waqt apni harr man laina sehal hai mere kamsin jazbon ke liye, kyunke tumhare kareeb umar bhar harne ki himmat shayeed mujh mein nahin. Mein janti hun keh humare darmian kuch ajeeb sa rishta hai , mager yeh na kaho keh humare darmian muhabbat nahin. Jee chahta hai ke ager koi eik rimak bhi hai ehsaas ki to woh tum meray saath bant lo tak’e meray liye tumhari yaad mein koi thori si bhi karwahat na ho.

 

rains1

barishon ki kasam
tum to woh kuch ho
jo barishen bhi nahi
~

The French philosopher Jean Paul Sartre was one of the only two persons  who declined to accept the much coveted Nobel Prize. An interesting compilation related to Nobel Prize is available here. Sartre’s long – term companion Simone de Beauvoir was a well-known feminist and philosopher.

Sartre is generally known for his pessimism brought out in his existentialist philosophy. But one of the most romantic quotes I have found is attributed to him – “In Love one and one are one”.This quote reminds me of a beautiful romantic nazm of Parveen Shakir

 

Dua to jane kaun si thi
Ab jehan me nahi.n
Bas itna yaad hai
Ki do hatheliyaa.n mili hui thi
Jinme ek meri thi,
Aur ek tumhari.

It’s interesting to find a common thread between the pessimistic Sartre & the ever romantic Parveen Shakir.

Explain to me the difference between a delusion and reality. Explain to me, why I’m building up fantasies around you, when I know you’ll never be mine. Why does the sight of you make my body tingle with happiness? Why do I want to kiss your forehead and feel like a woman? Why do I find myself wanting to fall into pieces, just so you can put me back together? Do you know the way you break down my defenses without even trying? You leave me feeling stripped of my skin, looking at the core of me. The vulnerability you make me feel is frightening yet it arouses me. You evoke feelings in me which I thought I never and wanted so much.

Why do I want to cover you in a wave of passion and just bind you in my world? Just hold you for a brief moment and pretend you’re mine forever.

I want to keep watching how beautiful you look when the sunlight hits your dark eyes. See you laugh, even though its not with me, but see your precious lips curl up and kiss your cheeks.I want to walk with you in silence and listen to what you are saying to me. Are you saying something? But will you risk it all to stand at the edge of your world to accept what is really mine? Or will our lives collide and shatter into fragments which we won’t even recognize and forever live to regret..


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  • д§mд: love the way you've ended it :) please update :>
  • д§mд: goodness .. do I love this beautiful swinging chair or what :) Lovely snaps ... :) beautiful thoughts to go with 'em :>
  • Zios: It is hard to imagine anyone giving up driving because someone hit his/her car

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